How to handle a break - up?

[Foxfire]

Unlike the show "Breaking up with Shannon Doherty" my ex and I didn't need her help. Now, I've been with this girl for two and a half years. Our relationship was rocky but it had its cherished memories as well. I came to realize last night and "register" that she's gone when she shipped off for the Army.

Breaking up is hard and I admit I'm struggling with this lol. Anybody have advice dealing with this?

I gathered up teddy bears, gifts, jewelry, crafts, and the engagement ring. Lisa suggested I pack it up in a box. I did that and it was really HARD, I cried my eyes out for about an hour.

I've gotten over a breakup before but this was different. I loved this girl despite what my friends and family said about her or the two of us together. I saw my life with her, a future. Towards the end we brought out the worse in each other.

So, I'm trying to tackle this head on rather than avoid it. I've found talking helps but I feel like I'm bothering friends when I call them up crying. I keep hearing "it'll get better." And this I know but its not getting better right NOW lol.

I tried keeping busy, usually I bury myself in work but I'm sick with the flu so I can't do that. Role playing is a great distraction here on the boards and on AOL. Watching television works sometimes until I see something that reminds me of J.

I hate asking but I need help here guys. I need advice or steps on how you recovered or whatever.

 

[Rampage]

In my situtaio I had been with the girl for nearly five years. We had lived together for almost two, and most of the companies I did business with already treated her as my wife. Then, in only about two or three months, it REALLY fell apart. I was devastated. She completely turned on me, even to the point of moving from our apartment while I was at work and taking almost everything. I was staying with friends until I could get it together. That's how low I had fallen.
Then, one day, I said "To hell with this". I just started LIVING. Going about my business one day at a time. If I hurt, I took time to hurt, but only a little time, and each week, I alotted myself less and less time each time I felt down. I started playing basketball again, played video games, I practiced cooking, I did whatever it took and, most of all, I did NOT try to find a rpeplacement. I believed that I needed to work on me. Lo and behold, I soon found my wife-to-be. She jusrt walked in one day while I was working and lit up my life. The rest is a very long and convoluted history, but the deal for me was that I took the time to live and let good old Father Time take his toll. You may NEVER completely get over it. I still think of her from time to time. I wonder what has come of her, or think of the happier times or great sex. But the deal is this: Life moves forward, and so must we. I know it is easier said than done, but it does get better if you stay busy and work on making youreself happy BY yourself. Oh, and a friendship with the ex (tried it!!) almost NEVER works. It is a recipe for disaster. If you decide to be friends, I would suggest a cooling off period of 3+ months where there is NO communication at all. That will give you the distance needed to maybe TRY it. But I advise against it.
That's my 2 cents. Good luck, honey.

 

[Karma]

my advice is to just CUT HER OFF completely. A very wise woman once advised me that the biggest problem with people is that they don't know how to "be divorced/broken up" when a relationship is over and that's when drama begins.

I experienced one MAJOR relationship trauma several years ago and I remembered the advice i was given and i took it.

I cut that person off. I boxed up all their belongings that had been in my house and FedEx'ed them back to that person's address. I changed the locks on my house, my phone numbers and deleted all their numbers and methods of contact, just removed all traces of that person.

PHYSICALLY removing all traces and reminders of that person was the first step...i was able to quietly and privately deal with pushing them out of my mind and i was vigilant about that. It served me well as the "pain of getting over them" wasnt nearly as bad as some other people said it would be.

and to this day, associates of mine tell me how they were so surprised and how quickly i was able to get that person out of my life completely.

it wasnt as EASY as it seemed to observers BUT i did just what i was told and completely iced them out.

 

[Clara Oswald]

I agree - out of sight, out of mind. It is much harder when you are constantly reminded of the person in the physical world. Seeing them is the worst. It's hard at first, but that really will help.

 

[Mat]

When I broke up with "The Ex" I was a total feckin' wreck. The boys took me out to the strip club to try and cheer me up (God bless em) but the fact of the matter is, after you break up with someone who meant something to you, you're barely even *on* this plane of existence.

I suggest you spend some time alone trying to analyze the relationship and what you have to be grateful about it. You must have had a lot of good times, and a worthwhile relationship will teach you so much about yourself. Try to learn and grow from what happened, allow yourself to cry and be angry with not just your ex, but with yourself.

It'll take time, but a great girl like you will bounce back eventually. *hugs*

 

[DonDaddyD]

I'm pretty harsh to myself during breakup's. I don't believe in this; 'we can go back to being friends' bullshit. Why should I put myself or my new partner through uncomfortable situations of having to see the ex or listening to stories of old times or stories of how great their life is now (which are all overexaggerated due to bitterness or a foolish need to outdo the ex). - My attitude is like; 'you never wanted to work through it (our problems) with me so FUCK OFF why do I need to hear your shit now.'

Removing the image of that person from my life has always been a must for me. Remove everything so that they are just a memory. And fuck posting their shit back to them, they either come to collect it or it goes in the bin.

(Denpending on how the breakup went I'm quite partial to burning photos as well)

I also keep myself busy getting back into the routine that I was once in when I was single and get used to being by myself once again.

I also avoid allowing others to rush into my arms/fill the void of being single unless I am sure it is them I like, I don't want my feelings for another person thrusted on someone else that isn't fair and I certainly do not want to fal into someones arms because I simple don't want to be single. - being single doesn't mean being lonely.

I Make sure that my social circles don't interact with that other person because I want to know that my social life is independant from theirs.

Most importantly I never speak to that person again for the rest of their life (unless I absolutely have to). When they are gone they are gone.

Edit: - Treat yourself; A new haircut/style and some much needed retail therapy is also a must. When I breakup its a brilliant excuse to spoil myself. - You can never have enough Jackets/Coats/Sexy underwear and Nike Air Force One's, Adidas Stan Smiths, Adidas Decades, Nike Court Traditions, Nike Air Legends, Timberlands or lovely leather (all leather including the soles [Italian]) shoes.

 

[eponinethen]

Ah I'm really sorry to hear about the breakup. Plus, obviously, also to me this brings up memories. And I can only agree with what Spellbinder and Vil said... Don't talk to her, at all. For a long while. You might feel "ok" after a bit, or that it would be easier to talk to her at least a lil bit... Well it's not, it's so fucking easy to fall back into those feelings.

I am talking to my ex this moment, and I am finally ok with the fact that she's got another girl.. But that took me a long time, even though we weren't together for that long. And my first gf? Her I wasn't able to talk to for two years after we broke up.

But yeah. Obviously you know this, and stuff.. Still though. You usually have to stay very strong in order to actually be able to not talk to her... Or that's what I've experiences...

Best of luck and you know it will get better (I know that's probably not what you need to hear though).. Let yourself be a mess for a bit.. Eat ice cream and watch Friends and all that stuff. Rant about it to your friends, that's what they're there for.. and if they're not, rant about it to us.. Or people you don't know, like me.. (Seriously, if you need anything, sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't know, or whatever.)